How to Bribe a Traffic Police (Malaysia)
Disclaimer: The owner of this blog has never bribed any police, nor does he encourage the crime of bribing. Please do not contact the owner of this blog for any consulting on crime activity.
If you have been driving in Malaysia, chances are you have been through the process of bribing a traffic policeman. However, there are cases where you have had a miscommunication with Mr. Traffic Police, and the whole situation became a disaster. Then you ended up paying a 300 dollar fine, or worse, going to jail. But don't worry; this entry will give you a better understanding on "How to Bribe a Traffic Police"
Now imagine you are driving on the road, and a traffic police appears out of no where, and instructs you to stop at the road side. Once you stop, the first thing you do is to remove all the big notes in your wallet, hide it in your socks or underwear or somewhere out of sight. This will prevent the traffic police from asking for a bigger bribe.
As the policeman approaches your car window, give him a big smile and greet him like an old friend. Remember, the conversation part is very important; any mistake here will lead to a disastrous ending. Here is a typical discourse between a driver and a traffic Police.
Mr. Police: Ada I.C dan license? Speed limit 60 km/h tau? Kenapa pandu cepat sangat? You datang dari mana ni?(Do you have a driving license and Identity card? Do you know that the speed limit is 60 km/h? Why did you drive so fast? Where did you come from?)
Driver: (Hand over your I.C and license, and then answer his questions. If you’re very sure that you didn’t exceed the speed limit, ask for evidence, end of story.)
Mr. Police: Okay I tulis you saman ya, exceed speed limit, agak-agak 300 ringgit, bolehkah?(I will write you a speeding ticket, the fine is around 300 Malaysian ringgit, is it okay?)
Okay here is your chance, make sure you do it right.
Driver: Boleh bayar kat sini?(Can I pay the ticket here?)
Now check the look on the traffic police’s face. If he smiles, then you are through, if he has a serious face, then stop fucking around and take the ticket.
Mr Police: Macam mana nak settle?(How do you want to do it?)
This is a time to negotiate the price, and it all depends on how much you have in your wallet, remember the instruction of keeping the big notes out of sight?
Driver: Tak ada banyak lah 20 puluh boleh?(I don’t have much, is 20 ringgit okay?)
Mr. Police: Ini kalau bayar kat balai nak 300 ratus tau? 20 puluh mana boleh?(If you pay this at the police station, it will cost you 300 ringgit, 20 ringgit is too little)
Driver: (show the wallet to the police) Memang tak ada lah bang, hanya ada 20 puluh(I really don’t have much, only 20 ringgit)
Mr. Police: Boleh lah. (Gives the driving license back), letak bawah itu license.(Deal. Put it underneath your license.)
Now it’s the time to give him the money, and you have to fold it right. Follow the instruction in the pictures.
The size of a Malaysian driving license and a 10 ringgit note.
Fold the 10 ringgit note into half.
Fold the 10 ringgit note into another half, and put it at the back of the identity card.
Driver: (hand over the license and the money). Terima Kasih (take back the license).(Thank you).
Of course sometimes it depends on different scenarios. Like drinking and driving will surely cost you more than a 100 ringgit. If you are a beginner driver (P plate) you’ll have to pay more. The important thing is, don’t try to act snobby. Make sure you play your cards right and pay your cash accordingly, then you will be able to avoid a 300 ringgit bill, and the traffic police will be happy with his extra earning, a win-win situation.